Getting Older and lesser things....

I don't know if I'm just getting cranky or depressed...but I just really am not looking forward to having a birthday tomorrow (friday the 12th). Aside from the fact that it will mean that I've reached the half way point (45), it also means that I have to be nice and happy, upbeat and chipper to everyone for the entire day.

Now granted, I am generally nice to people and I am told...at least by my wife that I'm the most optimistic person that she's ever met. However, I just really...at least for the past couple of days feel neither optimistic nor bright, cheery or sunny.

((Me looking cheerful//Courtesy: Mark Harmon))

Birthday's are supposed to be celebrations and for the 1st quarter or so of your life they are. People fawn all over you, give you stuff and just generally like you for the day. If you are lucky...that is, because you have a really good group of friends and/or family who make it a point to make your day better, then you should consider yourself very fortunate. I'm one of the lucky ones, I do have that...but it really doesn't make me feel a whole lot better at the moment.

When I was younger, I always made it a point to do or buy something significant around my Birthday time. It was something I had hoped to make a tradition. I've done a lot around this week. Bought a car. Bought my first home. Moved from Jacksonville to Nashville. Lots of big "life" events.

I think that the birthday thing was still pretty cool until I hit my 40th. That is supposed to be a big one and well...for me it wasn't. I didn't have the day off from work to go celebrate or anything like it. No, not only was I working, I was out of town working. I was in Greensboro, North Carolina 5 years ago at this time, covering the ACC Basketball Tournament. The tourney itself was pretty cool and I was glad I got to do it. I was there with Main Sports Dude Gil Tyree and we always had a good time traveling for work. It just...at least now looking back on it was kind of depressing. We had dinner at a Carrabba's in Greensboro after working our games and doing a live shot for the 6pm sports and then went back to the hotel and crashed.

Am I depressed? I don't know. Maybe, to some extent. I never thought that I'd be sitting here, essentially un...or underemployed at this point in my life. You know it is kind of strange. For the longest time all I wanted was to have someone to share everything with, my work had defined me and I had a very limited social life but I wanted more. I got more when I met Michelle and I can't thank the Big Guy enough for that. She changed everything for me and in the best way possible. It's just now I'm at the other extreme. Good life away, nothing at work...what so ever.

Will it get better? Maybe. The work thing is kind of dragging the balance in the wrong direction and that really is the source of my malaise. I do really want to enjoy the birthday tomorrow. However I have to go back to the Bread shop where I don't really want to admit to anyone that it is my birthday. Am I ashamed...yeah...I guess that I am.

Michelle and I probably won't do much tomorrow. We are in Cincinnati and really, we don't have anyone else to go celebrate with. She also can't eat meat tomorrow, which is fine, we'll go out and have a nice dinner on Saturday instead. My parents and sister will call tomorrow and it will be nice to talk with them. I won't have much to say because really, I don't have a whole lot going on right now to talk about. I'll make small talk, act happy and upbeat and that will be that. Maybe, if I'm really lucky I'll get a good gift from the Big Guy and get a call from someone about a job. Lord knows I have paid my debts and I've applied to enough now.

I don't think that I'm being greedy asking for that, am I? If somehow, someway some balance can be restored than I think things will be good. Hopefully, by the time that the next birthday comes along, I won't have to pretend to be upbeat, happy or chipper.

Enjoy the Birthday Song. Sung by the Arrogant Worms. Thanks You Tube: